


The Misadventures of Captain Dumbass and His Crew

by Mexxwriting



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11735811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mexxwriting/pseuds/Mexxwriting
Summary: What happens when you mix an alien object with a no-good curious Captain Kirk. Join Jim and the rest of the crew in a adventure (Sorry! I mean Misadventure) where they find themselves in the wrong time and wrong place. Date: 21st century 2012 Location: Culver City, California. In Sony Pictures... Star Trek Into Darkness set. With the Enterprise down on power how will the Crew make in through our world? And with the Cast of Star Trek. Oh god someone get some liquor for the headache of a life time of confusion.





	1. The Box Device-Thingy

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! Comments are welcome!  
> I don't own Star Trek (I wish though)

"If I or any of the bloody engineers see ya in this area, I will personally make yer quarters feel like Delta Vega or New Vulcan, ya hear me?!" Scotty yelled at his captain as he pushed him at the turbolift, making him stumble in.

"But, Scotty", Jim whined, as if he was begging Bones to let him out of SickBay

"I'm sorry, sir, no buts. I told you no one can mess with the device 'til Spock, Chekov or I figure out what it is and what it does. So I advise ya to go back to the bridge and work on that report I gave ya two bloody weeks ago!"

"Fine, but tell me the minute you figure out what it does."

"Aye, Captain" Scotty answered as the doors to the turbolift closed and he could no longer see Jim. He turned around with Keenser on his heels. "That man will be the death of me," he mumbled, opening the door to his office to reveal a sleek, black cube-sort box thing with multiple buttons, lights, wires and colors sitting on his desk. "Let's see what you are," Scotty said to himself, grabbing a couple different tools to try and pry open the inside of the box-thingamajig.

'Two hours. Two hours spent reading about the fixing of one of the engines. God, if Scotty had to major in another thing, it would be writing the damn longest report of a stupid engine,' Jim thought to himself as he looked at the time. He stood up from the captain's chair, legs stiff and sleepy, he then turned to Spock saying "I'm retiring for the night you have the conn."He headed to the turbolift, but then got a devilish idea. You could almost see a lightbulb turn on, on top of Jim Kirk's head.

He entered the turbolift as soon as the doors opened, impatiently turning the idea over in his mind before he got out and fast-walked to his quarters. On the wall was a monitor, he logged on and popped in some commands, it then showed him the Scots' location and, to his luck and wishing, Scotty was in the mess hall, well away from engineering. Then it hit him; the rest of the bridge crew were about to leave their shifts and let the night team take over. 'This was better than I planned!' he thought. 'All of them in one place so I don't have to worry about getting caught!' Time to set his plan into motion.

This was a stupid, but cool, idea for Jim. Stupid part was crawling through the Jefferies tubes so no one could see him, since Scotty told them to look out for the captain and NOT let him near the Scotsman's office. Everybody in fear of the man obeyed his orders and kept looking over their shoulders or down a corridor for their captain. The cool part was it was just like that old movie series Mission Impossible. Getting into and through the Tubes was easy, now it was running across an open platform to the office that was within sight. Jim looked right to left from his potion he also tried to listen to footsteps but the faint hum of the engines in work blocked out any sound. Luck somehow loves him today because it only took 10 seconds for Kirk to shoot out of the Tube and through the giant engine room and 6 seconds to put the override code to the door and quietly walk in without any problems. It was just sitting there, like a present. 'Strange' he thought 'well, let's not waste any time'. He grabbed the box and was out the door and into the Jefferies Tubes faster than you can say "Dammit Jim!" in a southern accent.


	2. Experiments and A Unwelcome Ride

In record time Jim was already in his quarters sitting it down on his desk as be pulled out some tools that he borrowed from Scotty a couple weeks ago for 'fixing' a broken PADD when in reality, he just wanted to mess with it. It looked complex, sadly it looked like Scotty never managed to pry it open, 'so let's see if I shall be the first one to open it.'

Some hours later...

'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!' He screamed in his head as his 14th attempt ended in sparks and smoke from the clearly unhappy box. 'You're a box! Not some complex puzzle game that takes 100 years to crack!' He tried hitting it with a wrench, tried to ask the computer to find out what was keeping it so locked up, he even went as far as to hitting random buttons not caring if it blew up in his face, he NEEDED to know what was inside that little box of hell.

After over 30 different tactics and over 2 hours, he gave up. By giving up means falling asleep.

Jim was jolted from his sleep as a loud banging noise came from the door. "JAMES T. KIRK! YOU GET YER ASS OUT HERE!!"....... 'Oh shit', that's all Jim thought as he recognized that voice as a very, very angry Scotty voice. He looked as his clock to see it was a couple hours before his shift and only an hour before he had to wake up. 

Without thinking he quickly got up to barricade the door from the pissed off Scott but his hand landed on something that was not the desk. But the box. 

He has little time to process with what's going on but all that he can remember to tell later on his that he felt a searing hot pain on his hand that crept up his arm. 

A huge sonic blast shook the whole Enterprise after he somehow activated the cube. Red lights along with blaring sirens accompanied by people running around and yelling commands and questions alike. To say that the Starship was in panic was an understatement. It was a raging pit of disaster. It only got worse as the Enterprise started to shake again as if it was scrapping against walls (which was impossible). Kirk responded by running out of his quarters to find Scotty already gone to Engineering to yell orders at helpless people. He then sprinted past many others to get to the bridge. When he arrived he was happy to see all of the Command Crew in their places, Chekov and Sulu trying to navigate through what Jim could not describe with few words. It was like a tunnel only fit for the Enterprise herself. It had hues of red, green, blue, and orange fixed together moving as a beating heart. 

"Captain" Spock spoke as he glanced his way from the 'thing' they were going through.

"Spock give me some news good or bad I don't care as long as it's something."

"All I can give you Captain is that it is somehow alive and is pushing the Enterprise forward, Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov are trying to pull us out of it." Spock informed Jim.

"Captain we can't move it much. We are trying as best we can." Sulu commented on the conversation. 

"At zes point we are doing more damage zan ze actual 'thing'" added Chekov 

"It seems to be a portal of some kind, pushing us in the direction of the other end I believe" said Spock as he turned his whole body to Kirk giving him his full attention.

"Sulu, Chekov stop trying to resist, lets see where it takes us" Kirk commanded 

Both complied and let go. Soon the Starship stopped shaking and sailed smoothly through the portal. The farther in they got the faster the colors pulsed and brighter they got until it was almost blinding for some. It didn't take long for people to hear the stomping of boots on cool metal flooring and the swish of the bridge doors before a very angry and nervous wreak of a CMO walked in glaring daggers at both Captain and Frist Officer. Stopping in front of the two he took a breather before "Jim what the hell did you get us ass deep in now?!?!" He yelled 

" I may or may not have" He stopped, taking in a deep breath before he continued saying it as fast as he could "Stole the alien box-thing last night and then fiddled with it last night with no luck but this morning I may have accidentally powered it up and now we are here." Kirk smiled innocently as Bones processed the information.  
Bones started slowly "So you tellin me you screwed around with an unknown alien object just for the hell of it?"   
"Yyyyyyeeeesssss?" Kirk dragged out.   
"What the hell was going through that thick skull of yours!!!!???" Yelled McCoy 100% I'm gonna kill him mode activated.  
"I don't know!"  
"How the hell do you NOT know?!"  
"Iiiiiiiiiiiiii don't know"  
"Typical" Bones said as he stormed off to complain to someone els, soaking in his anger.  
"Captain, it seems we are nearing the end of this portal" informed Spock.  
"Alrightly then. Sulu bring up shields".  
"I captain" replied the Helmsman  
Just as Spock said the colors returned then soon disappeared behind them.   
"Keptain!" Called Chekov in a state of panic as his hands flew over the keys of this station. "Ve are nearing Eath!"   
"But I thought we were light years from Earh" commented Bones reminding them all he was still there.   
"If we are Dr. then where are the others?" Spock asked looking around for any starship or station that were usually swarming around the planet.   
"Something tells me we are in way over our heads"   
"Cheer up Bones!" Piped up Kirk " What's the worst that could happen"   
To say Jim had bad luck was and understatement as all of a sudden alarms went off all around the ship as one James T. Kirk yelled "Oh come on!" Before calling out commands.


End file.
